Give Me My McYasha
by Bird That Flies At Dawn
Summary: Kagome drags InuYasha and a pregnant Jaken down the well...causing complete and utter chaos. There's not much else to say except...give me my McYasha... CRACKFIC
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I usually only write Twilight crackfics, but I thought it was time to bring some craziness to the InuYasha world. My chapters are usually extremely short, but they come almost every single day.**

**Disclaimer: I don't not own InuYasha, and there is no money being made here.**

**Third Person Point of View**

**OOOOO**

"InuYasha!" Kagome screamed, leaping out of the well. "We are going to McDonald's."

"We're going where wench?!" the half-demon screeched, throwing Jaken at the hungry miko. "What are you, pregnant!?"

Kagome caught Jaken, holding him in front of her. "No, I'm not the pregnant one. Jaken is."

"WHAT!" Jaken screamed.

Kagome made a kissy face at him. "Calm down, ugly. I'm sure your baby will be very attractive." She then turned her head away, shaking it and mouthing 'no' over and over again.

"Wench, what is a Mcfondle?" InuYasha asked, reaching to take Jaken back.

Kagome tightened her grip on the imp. "It's McDonald's you pervert! Leave me and Jaken alone." She then proceeded to coddle the demon excessively.

"Well, are we going or not?" InuYasha growled.

Before Kagome could answer, Sesshomaru pranced past them, wearing a bright pink tutu. In a sassy voice, he announced, "This one is a beautiful ballerina."

Jaken stared at his lord with his mouth wide open. "Is he on dope or something?"

"No," Kagome said, her face serious, "he is my sassy gay friend. Grovel before his mightiness."

There was a short pause…it then turned into a long pause…it then turned into a very long pause…it was then broken by InuYasha grumbling, "So are we going or not?" That made it a dead pause. R.I.P. pause.

"Of course!" Kagome bubbled, hugging Jaken closer to her body. "We have to get some calories in this pregnant-little-thing."

"I am not pregnant!" Jaken protested as they jumped back into the well. It was too bad for him that no one cared what he said nor did they believe him.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Now in modern times..._**

**__**"INUYASHA!"

"KAGOME, I'M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!"

"STOP SCREAMING! YOU WILL HURT JAKEN'S BABY!"

"I AM NOT PREGNANT!"

"LIAR!"

Kagome crossed her arms. "It's decided then."

Jaken glanced around warily. "What's decided?"

"You will give birth at my house."

"But I'm not pregnant!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know it was a secret."

"It's not a...fine whatever. I give up."

InuYasha leaned in and covered his mouth, whispering, "It's usually best to do that with her. She snuffed some white out. Hasn't been the same since."

"White out...?"

"MAMA!"

"I thought only dolphins could make sounds that high," Jaken complained.

InuYasha was about to answer when Grandpa H came running out, throwing anything he could get his hands on at the hanyou. "Be gone, demon!"

InuYasha had to jump out of the way to avoid the flying couch. "How did you even throw that?!"

"It's because I'm Bruce Lee."

"If he's Bruce Lee, can I be Kim Kardashian?"

"What is going on?!" Jaken screamed.

Everyone ignored him...like usual.

"Wait, why would you want to be Kim Kardashian?" InuYasha asked.

Kagome wiggled her eyebrows. "Who wouldn't want to be Kim Kardashian?"

The hanyou stared at her blankly. "Okay, moving on. Um...Bruce...I think...why are you throwing things at me?"

"Bruce Lee does what Bruce Lee wants!" Grandpa H then made a muscle man face. "GRAAAH!"

InuYasha stared blankly once again. "Okay, moving on."

"Kagome! Hashtag friends forever!"

InuYasha turned around to see the miko's futuristic friends racing toward them. "Greaaaat."


	3. Chapter 3

"FRIENDS!" Kagome screeched, embracing them.

"ROFLCOPTER! I've been missing you, girl. It's been like…a million ages since we last talked. I tried to text you, but you like totally did not have service or something…"

InuYasha covered his ears and moved away, trying to salvage what was left of his hearing. Unfortunately, Grandpa H who had deemed himself to be Bruce Lee attacked him for the second time that day. "Will you leave me alone, old man!?"

"Once insulted, Bruce Lee kills everyone in sight," Bruce…Grandpa…the man muttered, holding a vase in front of his face dangerously. "You will not be spared."

"Are you crazy?!" InuYasha screeched, trying to dodge the vase and other objects being thrown.

Jaken suddenly fell over, panting for breath. "Uh…guys…"

"OML HE'S LIKE TOTALLY GOING INTO LABOR AND STUFFZ!" one of Kagome's annoying friends screeched.

"I have to help him. It will be good for my image if E! gets ahold of this," Kim…Kagome…the girl said.

"I'm not pregnant!" Jaken sputtered between pants. "This is not possible."

"It is if the author says it is," Kagome said, picking Jaken up and hauling him over her back like a sack of potatoes.

"The who?"

"The author. This _is _a Fanfic, Jaken. Just go with it."

"Whaaaaaaaat?"

Kagome/Kim never even had a chance to answer.

"INUYASHA!" a crazy Sesshomaru fan-girl shouted.

"Oh, just perfect," the hanyou mumbled, already sprinting away from the girl.


	4. Chapter 4

InuYasha, even with his demon speed, could not escape the crazed fangirl. She was _crazed_ after all. The girl tackled him, raising a stuffed tenseiga above her head, proceeding to beat the hanyou with it repeatedly.

InuYasha laughed. "Is that supposed to hu—OW! Did you even bother to take the tags off that?!"

"Die filthy half-breed!" the girl screeched, continuing to beat him.

"Help me," InuYasha pleaded in a whisper as the girl dragged him around the corner.

"LOL!" one of the futuristic friends exclaimed. "I am like for sure tweeting about this."

"Like ICWFJB! I'm putting it up on Myspace," another futuristic friend said.

The first friend looked at the second incredulously. "First, what is ICWFJB? And also, Myspace? That is sooooooo like five years ago."

"It means I can't wait for Jaken's baby. DUHHHH!"

"Oh."

"Guys," Kagome/Kim interrupted, "that is not the point. Jaken's about to give birth. Does anyone here now how to…uh…deliver the baby?"

The girls all stared at each other, ignoring InuYasha's tortured screams. Finally, one of the friends stepped forward. "Well, I know CPR."

Kagome/Kim shrugged. "Good enough."

"Hey! What's CPR?!" Jaken protested, still gasping for breath as he fought to escape Kagome/Kim's arms.

"Wait."

Everyone turned to see who had dared to keep them from using CPR to deliver Jaken's baby.

Souta stared them down seriously. "_I _know how to deliver a baby."


	5. Chapter 5

Souta stared blankly for a moment. "Well, there's just one problem."

"And what would that be?" Kim/Kagome asked melodramatically, pretending to nearly faint.

"Where the heck is it supposed to come out?" Souta said, his brows furrowing.

"Well can you hurry up and figure it out!" Jaken yelled. "I'm kind of in pain here!"

InuYasha was still screaming in the background, and everyone was still ignoring him. The only difference was that Bruce Lee/Grandpa H. had joined the crazed fangirl.

"We'll have to do the unthinkable," HASHTAG, Kagome's first friend, said.

"What would that be?" SWAG, her second friend, asked.

"No…you don't mean it do you!?" screeched YOLO, the third friend.

Kagome/Kim glanced between them. "You're really going to do it?"

"DO WHAT!?" shrieked Jaken.

HASHTAG looked emotionlessly off into the distance, the wind blowing through her hair as disturbing piano music began to play in the background. "We're going to call the author." Lightning flashed ominously behind her.

SWAG, YOLO, and Kim/Kagome gasped. "NOOOOO!"

"AUTHOR!" HASHTAG let out. "AUTHOR!"

A rumbling echoed around the clearing, and the girls had to brace themselves to keep from falling.

Finally, a loud booming voice asked, "Who has dared to call me? Who has dared to call the author?"


	6. Chapter 6

"I have called you, Author," HASHTAG said, bowing her head.

There was a rumbling of disappointment, and then the voice snapped, "Well, what do you want?"

"We want to know how we're supposed to give birth to Jaken's baby," HASHTAG mumbled.

"Hey, I don't see you in labor!" Jaken screamed. "I'm the only one giving birth here."

He was ignored…just like InuYasha.

There was a long string of silence, and HASHTAG wondered if the author would answer her at all. Then, the author said, "What are you talking about? The baby's already been born."

Kagome/Kim, YOLO, SWAG, Souta, and HASHTAG all turned around to see Jaken passed out, a tiny ugly baby kappa/lamp next to him.

"Oh." HASHTAG turned back around, ready to thank the author. Unfortunately, the lightening was gone, signifying that the author had left as well. She shrugged, turning back to the baby.

Kags/Kim lifted him/her/it into her hands, staring with a disturbed expression. "It's even uglier than I thought. Half-kappa, half-lamp. Who would have thought?"

Everyone else seemed equally disturbed.

"Should we wake up Jaken?" Souta asked.

YOLO shook her head. "You only live once. Let him sleep."

"Uh…that didn't really make sense, but okay," Souta said.

"Wait!" Kags/Kim suddenly shouted. "I've got it!"

"Got what?" HASHTAG asked. "Hashtag question, hashtag got, hashtag what, hashtag Kagome, hashtag Kim K, hashtag—"

Kagome then interrupted, "We'll call the baby Fugly."


	7. Chapter 7

"It's about time," Kagome/Kim said, rolling her eyes.

Everyone looked to see InuYasha clawing his way back to them, a psychotic glint in his eyes.

"Uhhhhh…I wouldn't mess with him if I were you," Souta said, backing away slowly.

Kagome/Kim looked at Fugly and then back at InuYasha. "If I can handle a half-kappa, half-lamp, then I can take a mental inu-hanyou any day."

Souta laughed nervously, grabbing HASHTAG and YOLO and dragging them back. "If you say so."

"Yeah this isn't—oh look! A butterfly!" SWAG said. Oh yeah, just by the way, SWAG has ADD.

"GDEMXDUEG," InuYasha spit out, his face dragging in the dirt.

Kagome/Kim went up to him, patting him on the head with one hand while she held Fugly in the other. "There there, it'll all be alright. Just try and take a dirt nap now, okay?"

"POTATO!" InuYasha screamed, biting into Kagome/Kim's leg.

Kagome let out a shriek, throwing Fugly high into the air as she beat InuYasha over the head.

"I got him! I got him!" SWAG screamed, chasing after the baby….but then she got distracted. "Oh look! A butterfly!"

The Author watched the chaos from the skies, laughing maniacally. "I think I'm going to drop a small surprise on them."


	8. Chapter 8

Sesshomaru screamed in a high-pitched voice, appearing from nowhere. "THE BABY! THE BABY!" He then sprinted over and caught Fugly midair.

"Touchdown!" YOLO screamed, beginning to dance.

"Twerk fest," HASHTAG announced, grabbing Souta's hand. The boy seemed to be completely uncomfortable, and he immediately tried to run away, but HASHTAG kept a tight grip on him.

"Help me," Souta begged as HASHTAG began to start dancing. Unfortunately, no one paid attention to him.

"Crump, crump, crump it up," SWAG said. "Crump that DANCEDANCE crazy up."

Jaken made a face. "Hey…that's actually pretty catchy." He ran over to SWAG and crumped with her.

"Crump, crump, crump it up. Crump that DANCEDANCE crazy up!"

Kagome/Kim shook her head. "My my, what has the world come to?" She then remembered that she was supposed to be getting attacked…maybe, and so she started screaming.

"SHFCKAMX!" InuYasha grumbled as he kept biting Kagome/Kim's leg. Wow, it was weird that they were two people in one. Is that what it was like to have Multiple Personality Disorder…but like more serious or something? Okay, now the characters are officially confusing the Author who for some reason is talking even though she isn't supposed to be.

Anyway, about that surprise.

Sesshomaru turned around with Fugly in hand, whispering with awe, "OMFJ! A unicorn."


	9. Chapter 9

The Author beamed herself down, smiling widely at the inu gang. "Hey guys! How do you like Pablo?"

"Pablo?" Kim/Kagome asked, smacking some gum that had magically appeared in her mouth.

"Yup," the Author replied. "This is Pablo the unicorn."

"Unicorn," Sesshomaru muttered, fainting from his excitement.

The unicorn twitched slightly, and then its head fell off. Everyone stared without speaking for a moment, and then they all erupted in screams.

"Hush," the Author ordered. "He's a zombie unicorn."

The screams cut off immediately. Everyone nodded. "Ohhhhhh."

The Author pursed her lips, picking the head up and reattaching it. "Yeah…Pablo is unique in other ways as well."

"How?" Jaken asked, still crumping.

"Well, whenever you mention a color he goes crazy and attacks anything in sight. And also, he's not very smart," the Author added, telling them all about Pablo.

Everyone stared at her silently, not sure anymore if they really wanted to keep the unicorn.

The Author glanced around awkwardly. "Yeah, well…uh…good luck with him." Then she disappeared just as quickly as she had appeared.

All of the inu gang met eyes and then looked back at Pablo, their new zombie unicorn.

"Well," Kagome/Kim said, "I guess we're stuck with him."


End file.
